About the Irate Gamer "Opening Up" video...

I watched the tell-all video that Chris Bores made about his history with James Rolfe!

Oh, how croo-el I was! I made a series of text commentaries that gave a particular amount of limelight to his reviews! I know it branched out and looked at others, but he was the first one to be mocked!

I am a worm! A useless worm!

All he wanted was to be recognized by that unscrupulous Angry Video Game Nerd and he never batted an eye! O-O-Oh!

…

No.

I’m not going to do the same thing the uncritical minds do and just defend this guy at the drop of a hat. If you actually stopped and thought about the whole thing, you would see that this is — to quote Blazing Saddles, “the last act of a desperate man”.

Why do I say this? According to Socialblade’s stats on his channel, it’s not doing as well as it used to. Since October 2012, his monthly views have gone way down; six months before that saw the start of a relative plateau in terms of subscribers that continues to this day. 

As of this blog entry, Boring Man’s main show is over: no more regular Irate Gamer videos. The YouTube gaming community has, by and large, moved on as well: no more parodies, no more rants. Heck, I got tired of the dude. When he did his abysmal NES GI Joe video, I didn’t riff it; I reviewed it myself (and peppered it with a few jokes based on his video).

Eventually, a certain dramamonger (whom I shall refer to as “William Randolph Hearst”) who called him out on his plagiarism back in the day, one who did a wrestling video based on the events and went so far as to trap him on the radio, made a video telling people to stop criticizing the guy and that he’s awesome and whatnot.

Boring Man responds to Hearst’s video in an attempt to “open up about [his] rise to success” in a thirty-nine minute video of stammering and half-truths. He starts off by saying that he always wanted do a video like this, but never got around to it. Kinda weird, though since he did this one video way back in the day... though perhaps I'm wrong and it was scripted.

He talks about his old days with the Y2B2006 channel. Contrary to what he says, he only uploaded SOME Haunted Investigators videos (but mostly trailers) as well as some shoddy Mythbusters spoofs and some pretty lame shorts (“Back to the Past” and “Loyal Order of Chris”, for instance). This channel went up on January 18, 2006.

On April 8, 2006, James Rolfe and Mike Matei started up the JamesNintendoNerd channel (since renamed “Cinemassacre”).  The reviews of Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (both produced in 2004) were uploaded to YouTube. They went off like a rocket and the “angry reviewer” fad was born.

Bores wanted in on the hype, but claimed that he “didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes” and stuff to that effect. Yet his first video under his new Irategamer channel was none other than the Back to the Future game. He claimed to have always hated that game, yet the content was practically a carbon copy of Rolfe’s video on the same game.

He said it was his first time and didn’t know how to do a game video. I can give just a little leeway on this: nobody’s truly at their best when they start at something, be it a video, a job, or a game. You can always build up your skills over time. In this case, though, since he claimed to have “always hated that game” perhaps he could have brought up some past experiences. Maybe you got it for your birthday or for Christmas and thought it was going to be just like the movie?

But this brings up something: at this point in the video he admits to having “borrowed” material from others. He still kept it up through this year… and made money off of it (through ad revenue and DVDs). Kinda illegal, don’t you think?

You can’t really say it was an homage to Rolfe and others, that’s different. In its genesis, Star Wars was an homage to Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon; it wasn’t a mash-up of the plots of either series: it had its original characters, great visuals, and a solid story people can recall even a century from now. In short, Star Wars stood on its own legs.

Bores continues, goes on to talk about making reviews on Where’s Waldo and Goonies II, but they didn’t get much attention.

He brings up the “OutNerd the Nerd” contest on GameTrailers. From what I've found out, it was held in August 2007; by that point, seven Irate Gamer videos had been uploaded. By his account, the people at GameTrailers said he had the contest in the bag. He implies that they were mods and other higher-ups on the site, but as far as we know they could have been regular users like you and me.

Derek “Happy Video Game Nerd” Alexander won instead. Bores was upset: despite copying some of Rolfe’s material and filling it with ParticleIllusion effects, they picked someone who didn’t act like the AVGN character at all. The problem with this thinking is simple: Derek was able to OutNerd everyone else. I’m not sure what video he uploaded to the contest, but the HVGN videos I’ve watched are coated with trivia like cheese on a Cheeto. Watch Earthbound, the Capcom-Disney games, Rocket Knight Adventures and Sparkster, DuckTales, et cetera… they are soaking in information! From what I've been told his winning entry was the Journey to Silius review.

At this point, we get the first accusation toward Rolfe: that he rigged the contest. It's kind of weird, because according to Mike Matei, it was done without his or Rolfe's consent. It would seem more like a ploy by Stuttering Craig and/or Handsome Tom -- Guru Larry thought this at one point, but it wasn't the case.

Bores goes on, brings up how the SMB2 "scandal" video got featured on YouTube's front page. He goes on to say that this is where he got popular and got a bunch of views and e-mails and boxes of chocolate on his doormat, blah, blah, blah. He claims that started getting heat then and there (perhaps if you labelled them as contest entries like masterd68 and Drewdog did, maybe it could have been avoided).

He claims people were angry at him, but he wasn't taking his reviews seriously. Sure. The time-warp in Back to the Future, the angel and devil effects in the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom ("This Video was my most time consuming to date and my Blood sweat and tears literally went into this thing..."), all of that completely not taken seriously! Despite mostly doing this "for his friends", he put the show on DVD and sold it.

He continues talking about the other reviewers and their fans were out for him, screaming that he stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks and bumped into the ceiling which had to be washed and sterilized.

There was actual justification for this… and it wasn’t just because of the Back to the Future video or the mouthing of “S**tload of F**k” in Mission Impossible (something he edited out to “piece of s**t” on his DVD). He complained about Ghosts n’ Goblins and Zombies Ate My Neighbors! being too hard. He also tried to pass off the changing of Doki Doki Panic into the Western Super Mario Bros. 2 as this groundbreaking discovery that nobody knew about while dismissing it as total crap. It’s like saying that World War I happened solely because Gavrilo Princip shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand, ignoring the political consequences that started building up since Napoleon was defeated nearly a century before.

By the time Boring Man did the MUSCLE review, according to him, people were spreading “lies” that he was making sockpuppet accounts. He may not have had the time to make, say fifteen hundred or so to five-star his videos back in the day… but he did make some.

Who remembers iratefanboy345? He ran around saying YouTube changed the dates to make it look like AVGN came first? He was Bores.

Remember his first account, Y2B2006? It became a sockpuppet WAAAY back in the day. Keep this screenshot in mind.

How about Mama? Ladybuggin777. Lasersquad was pretty much the Toto to your Wizard.

Of course, there were legitimate fanboys: Armake21Truth (who had about four or five alts of his own before quitting for reasons known only to God), lukestarkiller441, the two SuperGGangsta kids, Charlie, and 2600theeatari (not to be confused with Charlie's username, which consisted of one less "e"). Eric "Wise Sage" Allen was another, apparently, but he mellowed out.


Boring Man goes on about how he cared about what Rolfe thought of output. Keep in mind that he was getting flak for his practices, so he sent a private message to Rolfe:

Hello James,

I'm not sure if you know me but my name is Chris Bores, I do the Irate Gamer videos on youtube.

I feel compelled to finally write you since my videos are starting to get popular on youtube and tons of people are comparing my quality of work to yours. 

I don't know if you'll end up reading this because you probably get tons of emails in a day and I know mine would be swimming in the sea of them, but I wanted to write you anyway.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know I've been a fan of your videos ever since I saw your Ninja Turtles game review around last year. And I gotta say, it was very inspiring to me. In fact, I hardly got any sleep that night because I had hundreds of new idea's flowing through my mind of what I could do with this intriguing thing you started. But due to my career, I had to tuck them away for a few months until I could get some spare time to record them.

Now I'm not sure if you've ever seen any of my reviews or ever heard of me, or heck, even like me for that matter, but I just wanted to take some time out of my busy schedule and let you know I respect your work and I do try my hardest to not copy your material. Although in my earlier reviews, I will admit, that I accidentally used some of your well known made up words in my review and I only found this out because people were telling me I did. I felt really bad about it and still do because the last thing I want to do is steal your catch phrases.

Since then, I made a point to watch all your reviews again and to make sure not to make that same blunder again. So if I ended up causing any negative feelings because of it, my apologies. But hey, I just wanted to email you and let you know I respect your work and clear the air of any hard feelings if there are any, because I'm just doing this stuff for fun and I know you are too.

So thanks for everything, and I should mention, since day one I thought it would be neat to do a duel review with you, but I'm still trying to figure out how getting both worlds to collide would work. Hmm Oh well, maybe one day. Thanks again my friend, and I'm glad to see you doing so well!

-Chris

This PM was sent approximately one week before the release of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video, which did three things: 

• It showed that Boring Man didn't know about the Arcade and Genesis versions of Turtles in Time.
• It showed his lack of awareness of the graphical limitations of 8-bit consoles.
• It out-performed the Back to the Future video in terms of unoriginality.

Bores conveniently glosses over TMNT. Furthermore, he said that Rolfe sent him a list of demands in turn. We are never shown a screencap of the demands.

That's another problem throughout the video: he never backs up his claims. He can show the occasional stock footage of himself or screenshots of stuff like his channel being ranked as the 55th most-subbed on YouTube. All the stuff he says about GameTrailers guaranteeing a win in OutNerd and Rolfe's demands? Nothing.

Anyone can tell you: if you make a claim, you'd better back it up. Hearsay only gets you but so far. If there was a list of demands, Chris, show it.

Bores goes on to shed crocodile tears, blaming Rolfe for publicizing the e-mail (an untruth since Matei runs that channel) after it was sent and lost a ton of respect for him. Perhaps they got upset that he went right back to being a copycat with the TMNT video? Every time he calls Rolfe and Matei dickweeds and stuff, remember: he LIED to them. He briefly brings up being a very religious person; from what I can remember, he identified as Buddhist. I'm not quite familiar with its teachings about lying. I assume it would be bad karma or something, but I can't make the call.


He goes on to say that people were accusing him of being in it for the money and that it all went away after Rolfe did his non-existent Kickstarter (crowdfunding was done through IndieGoGo). He talks about being seen as a threat to Rolfe because he was going up, up, up -- makes me think of the professor from the beginning of The Mole People, only backwards. He makes a video on the Tetris "scandal", which was ranked the 7th highest video on the site. Did Yo Noid and ZAMN! not warrant any attention? I'm sure a few people had something to say about it.

He plugs Hearst and does another shot at Rolfe. At a gaming convention, Rolfe was asked about his opinion on Bores. His response:

"He pretty much pretends that I don't exist, so why would I feel the need to say anything about him?"

All Boring Man can do is think about awfully the guy screwed him over, blame him for showing the PM he made after that TMNT video, and randomly brings up PewDiePie. Why did Rolfe do Let's Plays on his channel after PewDiePie became a thing? 

That's a pretty weak argument if you do your homework. Over a year before PewDiePie was even known, Rolfe and Matei did a video where they played Magnavox Odyssey games together. It was pretty much in the same style as their current "James and Mike Play" vids. Even before that video, people were doing Let's Plays! I can remember watching LPs on Yoshi's Safari, Knuckles' Chaotix, and Castlevania games before I'd even heard of the AVGN.

Blah, blah, blah, the tide is turning. Yadda yadda, chinks in the armor. Hold on.

Didn't you, at one point in the past, say that you quit watching him? Refer back to the Y2B2006 link. He was subscribed to Rolfe. Matei shared this image, presumably, after the TMNT incident. I remember the screenshot being used in an Irate Gamer parody back in the day (the exact one eludes me). Boring Man hid the subscription box later when a few people caught onto it. My theory is that he used Y2B2006 to monitor what Rolfe was doing. Can't really confirm it, mind you.

Suddenly all of his haters were starting to see the light! It was all thanks to opportunism!

He talks about the SMB2 "scandal" video being a "documentary" with a Satanic twist at the end and Rolfe's SMB3 video having similar themes.

It's pretty faulty since the first half of Rolfe's video was a review of The Wizard, mostly because it served as an introduction to SMB3 for Western audiences. Furthermore, the demonic stuff was thrown in to make fun of people trying to overanalyze stuff that doesn't need any of it. That's why he was playing up stuff that only vaguely looks Satanic. The fight at the end served as a segue into the NES Accessories video.

Bores' video only had Irate Gamer Prime going to Hell and meeting Devil Bores after Boring Man killed him. That's it. It wasn't so much a documentary as it was a tabloid stating something that the gaming world knew for years.

He goes on to say that he would have been dragged through the mud if the SMB2 video came after Rolfe's on SMB3. Even if it were released as-is, people would still find problems in it (the slow-motion Starman, perhaps?).

He claims that Rolfe stole the idea to review Silver Surfer and Superman right after Bores announced that he was going to review them. It would sound plausible... if Bores didn't announce them later! Let me break it down:

1. Rolfe's Silver Surfer video was released on GameTrailers on June 5, 2007.
2. Rolfe's Superman videos were released on June 26 and July 8, 2008, respectively.
3. Bores' announcement was in the Fall of 2008:

Riddle me this: "Did Rolfe use a DeLorean or a phone booth to rip him off?"

Of course, the anachronisms don't stop there. Bores talks about Rolfe's and his ROB reviews.

Rolfe's NES Accessories video went up on May 14, 2008; it ended with him hinting at a review of ROB the Robot at a later date. Bores' trailer for his review on ROB went up on May 27. Depending on which video you watch it took him either one month (his "Opening Up" video) or two (the aforementioned trailer).

Next up! The Odyssey!

He seems to believe that Rolfe stole the idea, which is another anachronism: the trailer to Bores' first History of Video Games video did not go up until May 5, 2009; the Odyssey would not be discussed by him until October 2. Rolfe's video on the console came out on April 21, 2009.

Bores goes on to claim that this isn't something Rolfe normally does, despite his whole webshow being about old games.

Bores plugs Hearst again and a manchild who deserves as little attention as possible. It's through those ne'er-do-wells that we get into him rambling about a Kickstarter, which we've mentioned before didn't exist. He says that Rolfe makes so much money off of his videos that he could have funded it himself. This is a complaint I've seen from many people: how crowdfunding is wrong and stuff like that. If that be the case, why haven't Ralph Bakshi and Keiji Inafune been crucified yet? 

Of course, Bores has to bring up the Cheetahmen 2 Affair, something Rolfe apologized for. Neither he, Matei, the Game Chasers, nor Pat Contri got any money from it; if anyone pocketed anyone's money, this guy would have done so... but he doesn't exist as far as most sensationalists are concerned. He screwed up and admitted that he screwed up. Moving on.

Bores goes on about all the haters who put Rolfe on a pedastal suddenly second-guessing and seeing the light and all that jazz. How all his biggest detractors are coming to his side. Plugs Hearst once more and states that he's going to do videos for himself from now on (his friends and fans no longer have any bearing, it seems) and fade away into the obscurity of ghosts and Skylanders. THE END.

It's pretty damn amazing what a little yellow journalism and opportunism can do!

Just play the victim card and reach for that sympathy and people will forget all about the constant research failures, the Y2B Productions/Cry Wolf Productions false-flagging operations against parodies and exposure videos, and all that other stuff. Forget doing research, who'd do that?

Boring Man goes on to say that YouTube has changed. To that extent, he's right: his channel's become an ocean of Skylanders videos, Cinemassacre's views are pretty stable, angry reviewing has become old hat, and a new generation of game reviewers has emerged. If that list of AVGN, Armake21, Jedite1, etc. was his barometer for game reviewers, then it needs an overhaul.

Nevertheless, this video just feels like an act of desperation. People weren't really concerned about the Irate Gamer anymore and Boring Man needed some attention. The best remedy? Be a tabloid.

Of course, he took a page out of Hearst's book:

DLA's Note: Names have been changed to deny attention.

Riddle me this: "Why are there commercials?"

Think for a second. This isn't like a webshow with ads playing at the beginning and middle of a video; this was supposedly candid. Every time somebody clicks this video to feel sorry for ever laughing at an Irate Gamer parody, Boring Man gets bread in his pocket. I'm all for capitalism, but this isn't the way to do it. He's practically playing people for saps.

It's kind of a shame people are so quick to jump to conclusions without thinking critically first.

Would I riff another Irate Gamer video? If I did, there wouldn't be any further vids on him and I would only agree to it to set him out to sea in a burning longboat.

That is all I have to say.

I'm DLAbaoaqu and I'm not sorry.

LIVE-ACTION TV REVIEW: Weird Science (1994-98)

From my heart and from my hand,

Why won't people understand

My intentions?

We talked about the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon and the missteps that led to the cancellation button: hit the airwaves too late and tended to ignore stuff while being a continuation.

On the flipside, we have Weird Science: another movie-to-TV adaptation.

This 1985 John Hughes comedy was about high school nerds Gary Wallace and Wyatt Donnelly (Anthony Michael Hall and Ian Mitchell-Smith, respectively), who -- inspired by Universal's Frankenstein movies -- create a woman using a computer and whack-off magazines. The end result, the cyber-genie Lisa (Kelly LeBrock), tries to save the two from being easily-intimidated social outcasts through a mixture of reality-warping magic and a wild house party of her own design. In the end, Gary and Wyatt land their own girlfriends and Lisa, succeeding in improving her creators' lives, goes off to become a gym coach.

There was also had a Popular played by a young Robert Downey, Jr., who didn't amount to much after this movie. I mean, sure he went on to play some obscure superhero a few times, but I don't think anyone saw those movies! =/

There would be no way a movie like that could be continued through a sequel or TV series... yet it got a small-screen treatment in the following decade.

Keep in mind that there was an eight-year gap between Napoleon Dynamite the movie and Napoleon Dynamite the cartoon. The movie-to-TV transition for Weird Science lasted one extra. Irrelevance did in the aforementioned cartoon... and the gap was bigger here.

Yet, a way was found. Rather than being a continuation of the movie, the show would be a reboot. Same characters, different continuity.



Speaking of the characters, let me introduce our core players:

The first of our nerdy duo is Gary, played by John Mallory Asher. His hairstyle is based on that of Dr. Pretorius from Bride of Frankenstein, the movie that inspired the creation of Lisa.

Why am I bringing this up? It's funny because Pretorius was supposedly gay (at least as far as 1935 would allow)... but of the two, Gary is the one most obsessed with landing babes! Wyatt may have been after girls every now-and-then, but most plots about landing a girlfriend put Gary in the role of the wannabe ladies' man.

...speaking of Wyatt, he's played by Michael Manasseri and originally based cosmetically on Colin Clive as Frankenstein before getting a perm in Season Two. He's a lot more grounded in reality than Gary, but noticeably more timid. This is partially due to the fact that his parents are only occasionally home and his heinous brother's always on his case.

This is Wyatt's aforementioned heinous brother, Chett (Lee Tergesen). He's this beefy and somewhat simple-minded ex-Marine who's moved back in with his parents and little brother. Rather than go out and look for a job, he spends his days terrorizing Wyatt and Gary. He also has his moments of cowardice as well.

His archenemy: the boys' principal, Mr. Scampi (or as Chett calls him "Assistant Principal Scampi"... despite Scampi's promotion after he left high school).

His bullying often results in him becoming a karma magnet during the first four seasons, mostly due to the collateral effects of Lisa's magic.Toward the end of Season Four, his memory had been erased by Lisa so many times that he became immune to it; because of this, he got a bigger role in the final season.

Chett was originally played by frequent James Cameron collaborator Bill Paxton in the movie. Paxton's Chett was a lot more intense... but Tergesen's is so much more fun to watch!

Finally, we have Lisa (Vanessa Angel). Like in the movie, she was created by the duo to be the perfect woman... but came with reality-altering powers that make the plots possible. 

She may be a natural at magic (she IS a genie, after all), but on the occasions where she's separated from her powers and has to live like a normal human, she's a fish out of water.

Stretching out the plot of the movie to fit (presumably) one season with loads of filler would be a kiss of death, but no perfectly good plots were wasted here! The first season might have been hit-and-miss at times, but writing really began to pick up in the second and knock it out of the park in the third and fourth; season five was unable to match it... though it DID have Bruce Campbell as a guest star once!

It wasn't always perfect, some of the production values could only go but so far (you only briefly see "Human Teen Nerd Lisa" and "Rule 63 Gary and Wyatt" in their respective episodes) and the special effects can come off as a little dated. But for the time, it was pretty good.

One thing that this show did excellently (above all else) was steering clear of "They Wasted A Perfectly Good Plot". Lisa, being magical, sets all the unusual events of the show in motion:

Chett landing a date with a major babe (a feat that Lisa secretly had a hand in)? Uh oh! She's really an ugly alien!
Wyatt and Gary interacting with ghosts at school? All because Wyatt wanted to say goodbye to his dead hamster.
There was even an episode where Lisa takes the two to meet Dr. Frankenstein and the Monster!

You know something, to heck with this!

Just giving a few statements about some random episodes isn't doing this show's writing justice! I'm going to give you something with more meat to it. Here are my TOP SEVEN EPISODES OF WEIRD SCIENCE! 

7

Airball Kings

After Wyatt and Gary are pushed around by a bunch of jocks, they get the idea to try out for the school basketball team (though it's entirely Gary's idea). Lisa pulls some strings and gets them on the team... by brainwashing the coach into thinking they're the best players he's ever seen! The thing is, they have zero aptitude when it comes to basketball. Things get really sour when the coach makes Gary the backbone of the whole team ("Give it to Gary! Give the ball to Gary!"), a decision that costs them a game. While everyone else demands that Gary steps down, the coach threatens to quit if the boy resigns.

Will Farber High forfeit its chance at the championship because of Lisa's reality-warping?
Or will that same magic plus a SEGA Game Gear provide the solution to the problem?

6

Unplugged

Costumer designer: Vanilla Ice.

Gary, after witnessing a classmate play a guitar, wants to become a rocker... but he and Wyatt turn out to be complete garbage in that regard. Through Lisa's magic, they find their musical style and the trio becomes a super rock group overnight: Megahurtz! Unfortunately, they turn out to be a one-hit wonder and subsequent songs are just rehashes of their single hit. While Lisa and Wyatt accept that they've become faded stars, Gary refuses to quit.

Can Gary salvage his career?
Will people only remember him as "that hemorrhoid guy"?
No spoilers here.

5

Sci-Fi Zoned

I've said that "friends no more" plots have been done a million times... but here, they try to put a twist on the whole thing.

With Wyatt and Gary's friendship on the rocks, Lisa attempts to salvage it by sending the boys into the very show that made them friends in the first place: The Twilight Zone The Sci-Fi Zone. Lisa figures that if they can survive an episode, they'll patch things up. Talking candy bars, giant doll houses, evil dolls -- can the duo survive without being reduced to skeletons through sheer paranoia? Watch and see!

Also, Lee Tergesen channeling Rod Sterling sells the whole thing! 

4

Hot Wheels

Wyatt talks to his father about letting him get his own car (because, as Gary puts it "no wheels, no squeals"). Mr. Donnelly agrees, but his son gets saddled with a 1971 Ford Pinto!

Lisa, acknowledging what a travesty the car is, replaces it with a souped up little number of her own creation called Nadine. It soon turns out the car is sentient and gradually lulls Wyatt into fawning over her. Gary confronts Wyatt about his behavior after finding him writing a love letter to the vehicle... but the power of Nadine makes Gary (and later Chett) obsess over her once he gets behind the wheel. This leads to the two boys quarreling over who gets to be the car's true boyfriend.

What is the key to a resolution? I won't tell!

3

Gary Wallace: Boy Reporter

Gary and Wyatt become part of the school newspaper staff. Gary wants to impress his editor (who is in a singled-minded quest to find out why the fish sticks in the cafeteria contain no fish), but needs an edge. Enter Lisa with a magic pen that makes whatever Gary writes happen, from UFO sightings to two-headed Scotsmen. All the while, Wyatt shows off his inability to take pictures. Will he ever pull it off? Will the riddle of the ersatz fish sticks be answered? Will Gary kiss his editor? Will said editor appear in any future episodes (hint: negative continuity)?

Not sold? How about this: Chett the Yeti!

2

Bikini Camp Slasher

Gary and Wyatt get sucked into a slasher movie and have to avoid a psychopath called Mittface. Fortunately for the duo, Gary is a walking encyclopedia of horror cliches.

That's one thing I love about this episode: the spoof of all the horror tropes.

Women wearing high-heels that always break.
Recycled sets.
An unkillable villain.
Stripping in front of a window attracting said unkillable villain.
Weapons in improbable places.
They even crank the dial up to twelve and bring in one-dimensional, bikini-clad bimbos (who can't keep track of who's who) and a bunch of jocks with unhealthy levels of testosterone... and they all like to do stuff that can get idiots killed in these types of movies.

Keep in mind: this aired before Scream.

While the boys have a fun romp with Mittface, Chett tries to pass himself off to his date as a high-ranking officer and not an unemployed slug leeching off his parents.
.

1

Pirates!

Wyatt has the male lead in the school play, but Jessica (his female co-star) isn't thrilled about acting alongside him, despite their chemistry. Lisa successfully attempts to make Jessica act like her character offstage, but winds up turning a bunch of dressmaker's dummies into singing pirates that run amuck at school (thanks to a distraction from Gary)! They take Scampi as prisoner -- his impromptu song about wishing that his mother could save him spared the principle from being skewered -- and make Chett their new captain after he KO's the old one. Eventually, the pirates escape from Farber High and rampage through town.

The solution to this chaos comes in the form of... well, I won't say. But keep in mind that these dudes love music, regardless of how arcane.

This was the first episode I ever watched. If there's any one episode that's almost guaranteed to seal the deal on watching this show, this is it. It's got a good number of out-of-left-field moments. How can you not laugh at a villain song about attacking a petting zoo and Pirate!Chett blasts out "Perhaps I'll get a pony ride!" at the end?

VERDICT

I just can't stress it enough: if you get a chance, watch this show. You can easily Hulu most of it here. That's pretty much all I have to say.

It's a gem that's worth your time.

But on the other end of the scale, come back next time when a friend of mine will join me in taking a look at how many corners you can cut in the making of a cartoon.

I'm DLAbaoaqu. Full-on!

Weird Science (1985) is owned by Universal Pictures.
Weird Science (TV) is owned by the USA Network.

CARTOON REVIEW: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (The Series)

I wonder if they can get Rico some Suave while they're there?

I told you I was going to do it. If I was going to review Napoleon Dynamite the movie, I made up my mind to review Napoleon Dynamite the cartoon. I'm sure at least seven others recall it.

As we know, the original movie was quite successful when it came out. Given how neatly the story wrapped up (Pedro wins the election, Napoleon and Deb patch things up, Kip lands a girlfriend, etc.), there wasn't much room for continuing the story... yet they did anyway.

Eight years later.

That was one thing that did this show in: it hit TV too late. By 2012, Nappy D had settled from a pop culture phenomenon to just a cult classic. Not exactly a smart move.

Another thing that killed this show? It played on FOX. The curse of FOX is pretty simple to understand: if your show plays on that network, there is a substantial chance that it will get cancelled before it can accrue a following (Firefly being an exception as it had one) or keep it on the air for so long that people will be in the streets demanding it to be given the ax.

*Death Glare*

The decisions behind airing this show were as questionable as can be, but what of the quality of the show itself?

THE SHOW

Well, one thing the cartoon had going for it was casting. Almost every actor from the movie returns to reprise their respective roles (Jon Heder as Napoleon, Jon Gries as Uncle Rico, Tina Majorino as Deb etc.). The only exception was Don (originally played by Trevor Snarr), Summer's jock boyfriend and fellow Popular, now played by Nappy D co-creator Jared Hess.

For the most part, this is a continuation of the movie: the characters know each other, stuff that happened in the film are referenced (Napoleon's dance), but LaFawnduh was totally ignored. 

I'm not making this up: in the first episode Kip dates another woman called Misty (and, no, we ain't talking Pokemon here) and has gone back to dressing like a dweeb:

Did a wormhole open up while they were riding away on that horse, suck her in, and erase all memories of her? 

Was she NOT his soul mate like he claimed? 

Did producer Mike Scully do what Thomas Jefferson did with the Bible and remove the stuff he didn't like?

To quote AOSTH Robotnik... "WHY? WHY? WHY!?"

So yeah. Much of the latter stages of the movie were ignored for reasons unknown.

Also, it would seem that Rico's girlfriend dumped him again and he's back to hanging around Napoleon and Kip. 

The character personalities are also a bit of a mixed bag. Napoleon's still a monotone geek who loves ligers and has a hushed affinity for Oriental melee weapons; Pedro's more or less the same as he was in the movie; Summer is still a vapid Popular that dislikes Napoleon; Rico's still a moocher trying to find quick bucks. Kip, as stated above, has reverted to his pre-LaFawnduh status of loser big brother and does the added bonus of taking his dates to Chuck E. Cheese clones for dinner. Don has been merged with the bit player Randy (Randy was just a run-of-the-mill bully in the film, so there wasn't a lot to discuss). Deb, however, was given a closeted love for Napoleon. It MIGHT have developed between movie and series in-universe, but no mention of it was made before.

What about the writing? Since this show only lasted six episodes, I can briefly go over each.

1: THUNDERCONE

Napoleon fights Kip over the last fried chicken breast they got at a convenience store. Kip throws the greasy skin on his brother's forehead, causing Napoleon to get a big pimple problem. Rico buys Napoleon a recently banned acne cream called Rack-u-tane that makes the user stronger and more aggressive (Wasn't this kind of stuff somewhat common on Futurama?). After showing off the Rack-u-tane's enhancements during PE, Napoleon's coach sends him to a secret fight club run by Rex, founder of Rex Kwan Do.

While all this is going on, Kip has landed a date with a girl (the aforementioned Misty). It turns out that she's nuts and is attracted to physical strength (regardless of gender or marriage). When Napoleon, empowered by the ointment, draws Misty's attention, Kip tries to get back at his brother.

The Brothers Dynamite duke it out in the fight club's arena, the Thundercone (Doe ho ho), which goes down the road to pathetic when Kip uses up all the cream (got a little chuckle out of me, for what it was worth).

Also, the end credits for this one was cute. I won't spoil.

2: Scantronica Love

The school brings in a really 80's-looking scantron to pair up the students in some bogus love experiment (a sentiment shared by Napoleon). Pedro lands Summer (much to little miss Popular's chagrin... and MY amusement), Deb gets Don, and Napoleon winds up with a Japanese exchange student called Tokiko.

Everyone tries to warm up to their partners, but when Napoleon learns that Tokiko only came to America in order to learn how to act like a stereotypical American teenage girl, Napoleon realizes that Mr. Pornstache in the picture above was full of crap. To everyone else (including Deb) it seems to be accurate.

Summer and Pedro break up in a split second and join forces with Napoleon to save Deb from promising to promise to marry Don (yes, you read that correctly), leading to the climax on Don's houseboat.

I think I've seen the whole "computer/inanimate object tells you how to run your life" plot on Doug and Hey Arnold! years ago. The message I got from them AND this was the same: COMPUTERS KNOW NOTHING!

Oh, there was also a subplot about Rico and Kip trying to make money with a fushigi ball. Go figure!

3: Ligertown

The episode begins with the lowest point of the show: trying to see what happens if you try to fart, sneeze, burp, and yawn at the same time. Fortunately, it doesn't get dragged out like many other bodily jokes on that same animation block. But the act breaks Granny Dynamite's transition lenses and Napoleon has to find an after-school job to pay for them. He lands a job on the only liger farm in Idaho. Much to his anger, the ligers have gotten lazy. When he finds out one is in labor and has its baby, Napoleon faints.

While passed out, Napoleon gets a vision from the first (and only humanoid) liger, Shasta, who wants Napoleon to train the newborn to be what a liger is supposed to be; he takes it home with him when he regains consciousness. After he fails to feed Shasta steak and Deb gives him milk from Tina the llama. The milk gives the cub a huge amount of spunk. It roars, causing its mother to hear him at the farm. The ligers join together and wreak havoc on Preston, trying to find the cub. When the havoc forces the mayor to flee to Orlando, Pedro becomes leader of the town ("Student Body President" is on the town's chain of command). Will the cub be returned to its mother before Preston's reduced to rubble?

Despite the considerably rocky start this episode had (and the incident was mentioned twice as it progressed), it's actually one of the better episodes! The gags with the town going nuts as the ligers wrecked the place were really amusing... especially the mayor's flight to Orlando!

4: Pedro vs. Deb

Napoleon and Deb are working for Preston Senior High's struggling newspaper. Deb needs a big story to save it and Napoleon suggests a pretty, well, Napoleonesque story, but she refuses. Instead, she follows Pedro around all day interviewing him. When this bears nothing of interest, Pedro comforts her, saying that it isn't her fault that Preston's so boring. Ultimately, she takes him out of context and makes it the paper's headline. Thus, the two friends become enemies.

Because of that newspaper article, the whole town turns against Pedro. Napoleon tries to get everyone to forgive him with the dance he gave at the end of the movie, complete with LaFawnduh's tape (She's not in this show, so what's the point?). Pedro and Deb refuse to make amends and demand that Napoleon chose between them. Will Preston continue to hate Pedro or will it take a monster to reforge his and Deb's bonds of camaraderie?

Meanwhile, Kip wants to exercise his Second Amendment rights.

Apart from a noticeable hiccup, this episode was okay. It had this little joke that put a twist on the whole Blair Witch Project concept. The friends-no-more idea, however, has been done a million times: A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, Rugrats, and a mess of others; you know how it will end.

5: Bed Races

Granny Dynamite has won Preston's annual Bed Race six years straight. Rico really wants to win and even goes as far as to cheat by throwing an X-Ray blanket on Granny's bed. Rico becomes the talk of the town and Granny becomes your regular old woman. While Rico gets all kinds of free stuff, Napoleon becomes increasingly concerned about his grandmother's behavior. When the town threatens to mulch the hedge sculpture of her due to her defeat, Napoleon cracks and admits that he and his uncle cheated. Granny goes back to normal and rushes to save her sculpture! Will the Dynamites make it in time?

I've seen this cheating-a-friend-to-win-a-race concept was tackled earlier in an episode of Rocket Power, sans the dreams about napkin dispensers and random stuff talking. But that episode didn't include the Rico Shuffle!

I don't know why, but this made me laugh.

6: FFA

Napoleon's original partner in this upcoming Future Farmers of America competition drops out when the Populars make fun of their uniforms. He turns to Pedro, who agrees to come with him. Unfortunately, Napoleon's rival at the FFA, Filson, shows up. Filson's a rebel, dressing against regulation and showing off. Napoleon's efforts at the competition are further at stake when the Egg Queen starts hitting on him... little does he know she's working for Filson! Will Napoleon and Pedro be able to beat Filson or just get buried up to their necks and use their heads as weapons?

At the same time, the Dynamite residence is infested with Granddaddy Longlegs and has to be fumigated; until the spiders are gone, the Dynamites have to live in Rico's van.

The final episode of the show was pretty good. Not 100% certain about the way Napoleon reacted to when the Egg Queen starting hitting on him (then again, adolescent romance was something the movie never played up), but the way Napoleon's plot ends... well, I'll just say it's a nice call back to the way the movie ended. Had a few chuckles in this one, but the Granny/Kip/Rico plot is where this one shined.

VERDICT

Some people think this wasn't very good, but I wouldn't sell it so short. Let's face it, Allen Gregory is a hundred times worse. 

Does it have its flaws? Sure: unexplained exclusion of LaFawnduh, the fact that a bunch of the concepts that were seen numerous times before, not to mention the stupid simultaneous burp/fart/yawn/sneeze thing from the third episode. Furthermore, the fact that it aired so long after the movie didn't help audience participation (it was clobbered in the ratings) and the funding went to Bob's Burgers.

I'll also give the show some points for trying to keep the humor clean as it could. It still got a TV-14 rating sometimes due to the inclusion of stuff like guns and some double entendres, but compared to stuff like Family Guy/American Dad/The Cleveland Show and The Simpsons, it's really tame. I think the strongest swear I'd heard in it was either "crap" or "pissed". Call me a softie or something, but I have a lot of respect for shows that try to be funny without resorting to sex and bawdy stuff (though most of that can be attributed to the Hess Brothers' Mormon background).

That being said, the humor can be hit-and-miss. Some said that the animated gags don't work in a spin-off of a movie that was mostly a slice-of-life piece. I tend to disagree, the ending to "Thundercone" was kind of cool and the method they used to get on Don's houseboat was neat... but when the jokes fell flat, they fell flat.

Usually, the crew did a good job in recapturing the spirit of the original movie. An unnecessary follow-up? Maybe. But it was nice to see the characters again (though there were some minor changes to Deb's character). Perhaps if it came out around 2005 or early 2006 when Napoleon Dynamite was still fresh in people's heads, it could have done better. But alas!

For me, the cartoon was just okay; it wasn't great, yet not as terrible as it could have been. You'd be more likely to enjoy the cartoon if you loved the movie. But then again, that's just me.

I'm DLAbaoaqu. Heck yes!

Napoleon Dynamite (2012 TV) is owned by Jared and Jerusha Hess and FOX.

MOVIE REVIEW: NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (2004)

Just say "no" to Summer!

Remember how, I said in the UHF review that the 80's/90's Transitional Period was awesome for media? That's just me in response to the movies and TV shows that came during that era, though I wasn't old enough to be able to remember that much of that era and watched them later in life. On a personal level, the first half of the 2000's was a pretty nostalgic time for me. I was in high school and starting to get into anime.

During the time I was in my first semester of college, a friend of mine (whom I haven't, sadly, seen in years) asked me about a little movie called Napoleon Dynamite. I'd seen commercials for it beforehand and thought it was stupid without even looking at it. She said it one of the funniest things she'd ever seen in her life and let me borrow her DVD copy of it. Skeptical, took it to Dad's and watched it...

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

We begin getting to know the titular Napoleon (Jon Heder): he's this lanky nerd with a frozen face and absolutely no social skills. He tends to give "current events" to his class that involve wizards, the Loch Ness Monster and tell the jocks about his adventures in Alaska hunting wolverines. But his stories must be taken with a grain of salt, since he tends to make stuff up. My guess is that he doesn't want to brag about feeding a llama.

The high point of Napoleon's life.

He lives with his dorky thirty-something brother Kip (Aaron Ruell) and grandmother (Sandy Martin). Kip is an even bigger loser than Napoleon, spending most of his time online trying to get girls! He tries to join this martial arts program in an attempt to become a cage fighter... only to get smacked around by the bombastic sensei.

It's kinda hard to talk about what happens in the movie, because there isn't really a story! Yeah, if you were coming into this thing expecting a detailed plot, sorry, you won't find it. The movie actually has three! One plot ends halfway through the movie when the second is set into motion, while a subplot runs throughout the film.

Subplot: The Misadventures of Kip and Uncle Rico

About twenty-one minutes into the movie, Granny Dynamite breaks her coccyx while riding a dune buggy. As a result, Napoleon and Kip's ne'er-do-well Uncle Rico (Jon Gries) has to stay with them. Rico is a guy who held the ever-so-important position of benchwarmer on his college football team back in 1982. His obsession with his "glory days" eventually led to his girlfriend kicking him out, forcing him to live in his van and use a camcorder to film himself pretending to be in a football game.

"This is pretty much the worst video ever made!" (Wait until March 29, 2013, Napoleon)

Rico enlists Kip in helping him sell Tupperware all over Preston, Idaho. The situation may seem boring at first, but it results in the biggest laugh of the whole movie (I won't spoil it, but let's just say it involves Rico's van). Rico peddles his wares, even going as far as to make up sob stories about Napoleon just to get a little money.

What is the end result of the Tupperware escapade? Rico buys a "time machine" from a scammer.

Next, Rico tries to sell breast-enhancement stuff (something that gets Napoleon in all kinds of trouble; refer to Plot 2), but Kip opts out for a while -- he finally found a girl online who's interested in him and he refuses to give her any. Lucky for him... but the same can't be said for Rico (I won't say what happens, but it's so satisfying).

Plot A: Let's Go To the Hop!

A new student, Pedro Sanchez (Efren Ramirez), has moved from Mexico to Preston and quickly falls in with Napoleon. With the school dance looming, Pedro tries to one Summer Wheatley (Haylie Duff) to go with him. He even bakes a cake for her.

Only one problem: Summer's POPULAR! So she says no.

Pedro also asked out another girl out, Debbie (Tina Majorino), who accepted. The viewer met Debbie earlier, when she tried to peddle boondoggle keychains to Napoleon in order to raise funding for college. She dumped her inventory on Napoleon's stoop and he had to give it back to her in exchange for a keychain. 

After Napoleon laments his inability to find a date, Pedro suggests that draws the girl he'd like to ask out and gives her the picture. He picks one Trisha Stevens and delivers it to her house.

After working on a chicken farm for a dollar per hour, Napoleon hears back from Trish (who was forced by her mother to respond, thanks to one of Uncle Rico's fabricated stories; see subplot). He tries to get Uncle Rico to be their chauffeur, but he's too busy with his Tupperware schemes to keep his word. Fortunately, Napoleon meets up with Pedro's cousins in their awesome ride! 

Hm, Trish doesn't seem thrilled about the date...

Oh. She's a popular kid. Of course. It all makes sense.

Naturally, Trish leaves Napoleon for the other Populars. Napoleon is clueless as to what happened to her, but Pedro lets him dance with Deb until she comes back. We quickly learn that there's nothing going on between her and Pedro, leaving the door open for her and Napoleon to get together.

With this, Plot 1 comes to an end.

PLOT B: Vote For Pedro

After seeing this poster as he runs to get water, Pedro decides to run for student body president. Predictably, Summer's thrown her hat into the ring and the Populars try to get Napoleon to support the caste system... but he sticks by Pedro.

Unfortunately for Pedro, his hair was somehow making him ill and he had to shave it all off. Napoleon and Deb give him a wig that makes him look like a "medieval warrior" and they hit the campaign trail. It seems promising at first, but Rico starts hawking Bust Must Plus herbal breast enhancers to every girl he can find... including the Populars. This results in Napoleon's locker getting plastered with Rico's flyers.

Pedro gets into trouble for making a pinata that looks like Summer (a common practice in Mexico). It would seem that Populars happen to be a protected caste in this universe because it's an insult "to the Gem State". As a result, Pedro's flyers are all taken down, giving Summer the advantage in PR.

During the pinata drama, Napoleon is rummaging around a thrift shop where he comes across a VHS tape that teaches people how to dance. He mostly practice the new moves in his bedroom... which is kinda disappointing for me because we see so little of it (it's a bit funky). He meets Kip's girlfriend LaFawnduh (Shondrella Avery), who's waiting on him to get ready for their date; Kip comes in (looking pretty street) and LaFawnduh gives Napoleon a mix tape as the couple leaves.

Kip always had more skills than his brother: champion of D&D, MC Escher's

his favorite MC...

Rico tries to push breast enhancers on Deb by lying about Napoleon wanting her to take them (see subplot); she falls for it and refuses to want anything to do with her ex-friend.

The day of the big speech comes. Summer gives this really "Ohmaggosh"-sounding speech that's actually kind of racist toward the end. Once it's over, they learn at the last second that candidates are required to perform a skit after the speech. 

Pedro's speech is pretty short and only gets scattered applause. When it's time for their sketch, Napoleon improvises with his new dance moves and LaFawnduh's tape.

It gets a standing ovation.

Ladies and gentlemen, the only two people who will NOT be cheering.

Pedro wins the election, Kip and LaFawnduh go steady, Granny Dynamite recovers, Rico's girlfriend comes back, and Napoleon and Deb get back together. Aw, we don't get to see Summer's pity party with Trish? Oh well...

The credits roll, and we're treated to an extra scene:

Kip and LaFawnduh tie the knot and the former sings an awful love song. Napoleon ends the singing by showing up with a stallion that he tamed for the couple to ride off into the sunset.

THE END

FINAL THOUGHTS

Napoleon Dynamite is like a coin being flipped: you only have a 50% chance of liking it and 50% chance of hating it (*coughcough*BradJones*cough*). 

As for me, I thought it was really good. I didn't know what to expect going in, but after it was over I wanted to own my own copy of it. I re-watched it a few times, every time I did I kept thinking that it was made twenty years after its time.

Seriously, it's almost like an 1980's John Hughes movie sans most of the bawdiness (a plus in my book -- gives it a broader audience). I don't just mean that in terms of how the movie feels, but also in the way it looks: the aesthetics, the high school setting, the background music, almost everything feels that way. If you weren't paying attention to the 90's dial-up internet or "Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys, you'd think this was from that decade.

But if you came in to this movie thinking you'd find a garden variety high school movie that revolved around trying to become a homecoming king, stealing the rival school's mascot or whatever, prepare to have those notions destroyed. It pretty much subverts or downplays that stuff.

Still, it's a quirky little crowd-pleaser in my book. I'd say give it a watch, see how you react! The only real complaint I could imagine someone coming up with is pacing (it can get a little slow for some).

Oh, right. There was also a short-lived cartoon on FOX back in 2012.

Hmm... still August...

I'll follow up this review by looking at this!

I'm DLAbaoaqu. Lucky!

Napoleon Dynamite is owned by Fox Searchlight, Paramount, and, like, infinity other parties.